The Teflon Twins Are Double Trouble

Django

This is a story about two very evil twins, Patrick and Bartley, born on June 6th, 1966 at 6:00 PM in Dundee Scotland. They were born into a Gypsy family known as The Highland Travelers.

Their mother and father survived through stealing, scandals, and blackmail. They were experts in separating you from your hard-earned money. They came from a long line of thieves and spent their entire lives ripping people off.

The twins had a very unusual lifestyle, they never left the house together, they were never seen in public together. No one outside of the family even knew about the twins. They would never leave the house at the same time.

They even picked a common name that they would use in all public situations, They both were called Django, spelled D-J-A-N-G-O. With the D being silent. Django is the traditional language of the gypsies.

The family trained the twins to pickpockets at a very early age

The family never exposed the fact that they had twins. Everyone in the community was under the impression that there was just one child by the name of Django. They used this fact to scam, cheat and steal. They developed a system of always having an alibi. When one of the twins was out stealing, the other made sure they were out in a very public place, often with reputable citizens of the community.

They were known as the Teflon twins, a running joke inside the family. Their system worked every time. If someone tried to go to the police, the twin’s alibi would overwhelm the prosecutors, nothing ever stuck. If anyone in the community would even suspect the twins, the family would move.

These twins were very smart and had a system in place so that no one suspected. Their golden rule was to never be seen together, ever! That was their ticket to a successful life of crime. This was drummed into them at a very early age.

Patrick and Bartley were growing up

As the twins became teenagers, their life of crime became more intense. They started stealing more valuable things, and of course, never got caught. They only got together in the privacy of their home, and that was to plan their next crime. Stealing because very easy because they were so good at it. After all, they have been doing this since they could walk.

Moving to America

When Patrick and Bartley entered their twenties, they because bored with their life of small-time crimes and wanted to step up to other things. They decided to move to America because they thought everyone in the United States was rich. This would be a great place to expand their life of crime. So in 1989, they flew to Los Angeles, California.

Of course, they took separate planes and arrived at separate times. This was something that they did instinctively. Patrick and Bartley knew that the only way they could continue their life of crime was to make sure that no one ever saw them together.

Patrick went to the DMV and got a driver’s license which he shared with Bartley, whoever was going to take the car, also took the driver’s license. As soon as they arrived, they started up their life of crime again. Mostly stealing small things and selling them online. Life in the United States was much easier than in Scotland. There seemed to be a lot more opportunities to rip people off.

Patrick and Bartley didn’t always get along

Just like any other set of twins, they would get into arguments, however, their common goal to stay as one person in the eyes of the public outweighed any disagreement they would have. They knew that if they were ever exposed as twins, then their lavish lifestyle of unlimited money would come to an end.

Patrick and Bartley owned three homes. They each had their own home, plus a third home up in the mountains. This was the only place where they would get together, and even then they would arrive and leave at different times. Their home in the mountains was well hidden, and the nearest neighbor was more than a thousand yards away. This was a perfect setup.

Patrick and Bartley both had cell phones, but never called or texted each other. Their only communication was in person. They would agree to meet at their common home a certain time each week, and they never communicated using any technology that was traceable. These guys were good, and they were never going to be caught. During the next 15 years, of scamming and cheating, they built up a great deal of wealth.

Django was their common legal name

All of their profits from their life of crime was laundered through their common name of Django. If they bought a car, it was put in Django’s name. Houses, credit cards, bank accounts, or anything legal was listed under the name of Django. The only thing they didn’t have was a social security card, and citizenship in the United States.

Patrick and Bartley understood that they could engage in bigger scams if their common identity named Django was a 100% legal USA citizen. They didn’t just want a fake social security card, they already had that, the twins wanted to be legitimate Americans with all of the constitutional protections that came with being a citizen.

They decided that it was time for Django to get married. This would allow them to have the legal name of Django and get the social security card they needed.

Django starts looking for a wife

Patrick and Bartley decided to date only rich women, someone who was recently widowed, who had a lot of money, but not much experience at managing it.

It took them several months to find the perfect lady to court. Her name was Charlotte and she was in her mid 50’s Her husband had just passed away the year before and left her with several million dollars and a profitable business that continued to support her. She lived in a 12,000 SQFT 8 bedroom home, with her two cats, Munchkin and Smokey.

She was the perfect target for their plan to get Django married. Patrick and Bartley took turns being Django on dates with Charolette. It only took them a few months to get her to say yes to marriage. Charlotte was very lonely and not use to being single.

After getting married Django qualifies to become a US citizen.

Their next plan was to kill Charlotte and inherit all of her wealth. This was going to be their biggest scam of all. No more picking pockets for chump change, no more cashing bad checks for peanuts, now they stand to inherit millions of dollars, a new home, and a profitable legal business.

Patrick and Bartley spent more than a year coordinating, and executing their plan to become legal, and taking over Charlotte’s assets.

It was decided that Bartley would do the actual murder, using an ax, while Patrick established an ironclad alibi. This is the same technique they have used hundreds of times and it always works.

It’s a fact, everyone has a bad day once in a while.

Although Bartley, who was pretending to be Django thought he knew Charlotte, he didn’t know the whole story. You see, Charlotte grew up on a ranch and knew how to handle a gun. Not only could she shoot, but she was very accurate. She also had several guns hidden around her big house, and she could easily get to them in a very short period of time.

Bartley chased Charlotte down the hall, waving the ax over his head. It was obvious to Charlotte that he was going to kill her. She ran into the bedroom, where Bartley had her cornered between the bed and the door.

Charlotte reached for a hidden compartment built into the headboard of her bed and pulled out a Chrome plated Smith and Wesson 357. With just one shot, Charlotte gave Django a new asshole in the middle of his forehead, right between his eyes.

His thieving, corrupt brain matter was splattered all over the wall and ceiling of her otherwise impeccable bedroom. A simple word of caution. Never bring an ax to a gunfight.

The police were called and Django was officially dead

The death was ruled self-defense, justified Homoside, so of course, Charlotte wasn’t charged with a crime. Since Charlotte was legally married to Django, she inherited all of his certified wealth, bank accounts, cars, and houses, leaving Patrick penniless, nameless, and homeless.

Now Patrick was all alone, no more twin brother, no more alibis, no more protection. Patrick finds himself in a country without an ID, no citizenship, no social security card, and no driver’s license.

Django is back, pretending to be a ghost

Patrick decides to use his looks to haunt Charlotte, making her think that he is Django coming back from the grave to haunt her.

Patrick watched the house, and when Charlotte went to the store to get groceries, he let himself in and turned off the alarm. He knew the alarm code and had a key to her house because he was half-married to her.

Charlotte came home and was shocked to find Django sitting on the couch, sipping a cocktail. Patrick playing the part of a ghost said, “I am here to haunt you for the rest of your life.”

Charlotte couldn’t believe her eyes, how is this possible? She had just shot and killed Django about 48 hours ago, yet here he is again, sitting in her living room.

She didn’t understand what was going on, however, she did consider this as a threat to her life. With one quick move, she opened her purse, pulled out another gun, and shot Django again.

She stood over his body and said “You can come back as many times as you want, I have plenty of bullets”

The police arrived at the scene and took Django’s dead body to the city morgue, and put him right next to his twin brother. That is when they solved the case.

The detective told Charlotte that these guys were twins, and they planned on killing her for her wealth.

The final end of Django

Since Charlotte was officially married to Django, she decided to have the twins cremated and put them into one container. She took the ashes home and poured them into her cat box and said “Welcome Home Boys”